Changes

" You're too young to be depressed"  "What do you have to be depressed over, things are going your way" These are some of the things that I hear when I tell or mention to people that I have depression.  Yes, it is possible for a young woman to be depressed, hell a lot of the people I know and are close to living with it, it's a daily battle in your own mind. You have up periods and you have down periods. The down periods are the worst, it feels like you are constantly in a cloud of smoke that is slowly suffocating you and disabling you to breathe, and when you finally do get a gulp of air it's polluted with self-doubt and hate for yourself.  But the up periods, they are magical, you feel like you are flying with wings of self-empowerment and love and gratefulness, and you forget about the down periods until they suck you in once again, which they will because that's the reality of living with depression. Then you get those times where you are in between the two different stages where you are just completely numb to everything, numb to smells, numb to every sensation and emotion. You tell everyone you're fine when in reality your spiraling down and each time depression reaches it's arms out to you and sucks you back in and you start to stop fighting and give in a little more and a little more until you feel like you aren't even your own person anymore, your just another lost soul in a world of lost souls.

In my world though, I never want to give up, I never want depression to win because that means I have completely lost my self, my essence my complete meaning to be here in this world and if I lose that, then what's even the point?  My daily life consists of waking up in the Morning but still feeling tired even if I have 12 hours of sleep. Though there are things that help like a nice tea before bed, doing a yoga video and using my oils (essential oils) to help relax and unwind in a bath or through diffusion and when I really need it, both. But this blog isn't going to just be about sad things, there will be ups and downs and ones filled with information on random stuff that no one will probably care about but in the end it'll be to help put a little bit of myself out there every day and helping myself heal a little day by day.